Death is mine
by Stitch My Mouth
Summary: Kamui's thoughts and feelings right before his death.


Death is mine  
  
Written By: Ceres Sakurazuka  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999 in anyway I do not own it's characters or story line and I am not making any money off of this . . . sadly.  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Genre: Angst, Tragedy  
  
Summery: Ten years since the promised day and all is still lost for me I still have no one to turn too, no one to protect, no one to love. Everyone I know dies so I've isolated myself away from humanity. I was on a subway last night I watched as kid got beat up and I did nothing to stop it. What's the point? It was destiny.  
  
It's no use introducing myself you already know who I am but if not I guess you can replace me with who ever you want it makes no difference. I saw Fuuma and Kotori's graves yesterday I nearly collapsed if I had chosen to be a Dragon of Earth would I still have someone to turn too? Probably not. But would I not care that they died if I had? No not even then. It should be me in one of those graves you know it really should I have nothing to live for not anymore I've completed my destiny. I saw Subaru's grave as well it was next to Seishirou's I was happy for Subaru even though Subaru will never know it I'm sure he's finally happy now where ever he's at. Satsuki's grave was all by its self not even one flower was placed on her grave I went to the store and bough some black roses for her even though she wouldn't care. Enough about the graves it's probably boring you by now. It's been ten years since my life became hell.  
  
Nothing left.  
  
No one left.  
  
I'm alone once again.  
  
But who cares?  
  
Me that's who.  
  
I wandered the streets last night I saw a ghost it looked like mother but I know it was just my imagination. I was on a subway last night too I watched as a young boy was beaten to a bloody pulp he screamed for me to help but I just sat there.  
  
I'm sure that kid hates me.  
  
What was the point of helping?  
  
It was part of his destiny.  
  
But you could've stopped it.  
  
But I didn't.  
  
It was you're choice Kamui.  
  
I hate myself.  
  
Why?  
  
I wish I hadn't been born.  
  
I do.  
  
It's nice talking to you even though you don't understand my pain. I had a strange dream last night and in it I was dying I jumped off the Tokyo Tower and fell to the earth it was a nice dream I would do it in real life but I'm to scared. So I just wander the streets like Subaru used to and wait for death to find me.  
  
Subaru wanted to find me.  
  
He wanted to find Sakurazukamori not you.  
  
He wanted to find me as well as Sakurazukamori.  
  
You're not making any sense.  
  
Kamui you know who I am?  
  
No.  
  
I'm death I'm what took you're friends and loved ones.  
  
Why?  
  
It was forced I hate my job as much as you hated your destiny.  
  
Why are here?  
  
For you of course I've come to make you happy.  
  
Thanks.  
  
Tell me more about yourself Kamui I'm interested in your story.  
  
You already know how the real story goes but if you mean what's been happening to me the past ten years I'll tell you. Just yesterday was the day I finally went to see everyone's graves I didn't even attend their funerals. I'm now 26 years old still young enough to try and find happiness but sense you're here I guess it's to late.  
  
No I could disobey my orders for you.  
  
Please don't.  
  
All right.  
  
Anyway nothings been going for me as usual my life sucks literally.  
  
You're lucky Kamui.  
  
How? How am I lucky? I've never been lucky in my life everything never goes the way it should for me!  
  
I don't even have a life think of that Kamui while you sit here in the comfort of your home people are sick and begging for food and money. Yes I am aware that you have it worse then anyone else on earth but you are lucky in some ways.  
  
I guess you're right. But in a way I feel like I'd been better off if my mother had killed me at birth I wish she hadn't been earth shadow sacrifice I wish a lot of things really. Wishing does nothing for me though it doesn't bring anyone back sometimes at night I cry because I know they can't come true. I've tried starving myself but I can't, I've tried shooting myself too but I chickened out. I've cut myself but never deep enough in fact I've tried every suicidal thing to do but it never works out.  
  
But now it will.  
  
Yes it finally will.  
  
You're smiling Kamui.  
  
I guess this is happiness thank you you've made me happy. Please make sure that when I die that I'm buried next to Kotori and Fuuma please?  
  
Of course.  
  
Thank you. I feel sick now I feel like I'm skin has turned into water.  
  
That's part of the process we need to make it look like you were ill.  
  
Nothing was ever mine.  
  
Wrong Kamui Death is yours.  
  
Yes Death is mine. 


End file.
